This is a big topic for me.
It’s not quick stuff.
It’s not something I can explain in one article and be done with.

It’s something I touch in many places, in many articles, because it’s about big cycles, reinventing, and finding a new foundation in what I do.

It’s about growing up and maturing in the flow of my work.

For me, it’s dazzling because I find my way, I’m anchored, I know how things are going — and then I lose it.
Then I touch it again and feel centered again.
And then I lose it again.

So it goes.

And maybe for some of you, this feels relevant.
Maybe you are in your own crisis in the world.

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The Beginning: A Love for Inner Work

I’ve been a fan of inner work, of coaching and psychology, since I was probably 19 or 20.
So it’s been 15 years.

I spent a lot of time, work, and money in meditation, psychology, coaching, all types of methods — retreats, learning programs, university, online stuff.
All approaches, like Tarot, esoteric approaches too.

I was taking it, and then I was doing sessions and giving it.
Then taking it and giving sessions again.
I grew in money.
Then big changes came to my life, like changing where I lived.

I felt like I had this inner need to be more mature in it.
I wanted to be holistic in it.
Sometimes I blamed myself for not being mature enough just to stick to it and then growing in numbers and in business and money.

It took me a lot to trust myself.
And I still forget sometimes.

Sometimes it feels like the neighbor does better.
Sometimes I have momentum and then lose momentum.

But when I’m embodying this passion, even through that, I’m having sessions for myself each week because I love this deep connection.
I love the place for myself.
I love this very present space of mine and the values of mine to do it with more awareness, harnessing these new skills again and again, like a playground.

I don’t feel like I’m going to hard work.
Sometimes pieces are rising — deep healing about what’s happening.

But it was more about this: big cycles of “okay, I want to go here” — and then I fall back.

I start doing sessions and then I feel immature in it.
Then I think: what if I did something wrong?
And then I skip sessions for months.

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The First Round: The Spring of Fascination

My first big upward spiral was about two friends of mine — psychologists.
We had interventions.
They helped me through this super vulnerability, this education, and this support.

For months and a half I was holding — super vulnerable — and then it felt like a threshold.
Like I came through it and over it.

I felt like I had something over me.
I could have support, understanding, and I didn’t have to do it alone.
That was a huge second initiation.

But the first initiation was when I had a retreat.
The first three-day training when I first touched psychology and a bit of esoteric work, and saw what it can do.
How it melts inner barriers and how it can be more alive.

From there the fascination started.

Then, in the first circle, it was like: wow, I’m actually having money.
It was like 10 bucks for an hour of my time.

I was like, wow, I actually can have money doing things that I love the most.
It was this spring of fascination.

I felt excited.
I was educating myself more and more, not just gathering skills.
But I felt short on presenting myself, being able to lead webinars in a stable way — fully presenting, fully handling it like a stable practice.

Because I felt vulnerability and not enough strong boundaries.
And somewhere, over-caring about the clients and everything.

So this was my winter.
Okay, fine.

Winter - completely loosing it

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The Second Round: Expansion, Money, and the Third Chakra

The second round was quite beautiful. I expanded so much in money and friendships and knowing people and maturing and presenting on stage.
The key initiation from this was about the third chakra.

It was like me saying yes to go on a big stage in front of a lot of people and talking about my experience — with makeup and being all like, going there.
It was one of the scariest things I did because it was the first time.

I led webinars and negotiated, and that was here in the second round.
Blessings like this.

Then when I fell short, when I felt short, it was like when I was changing the country where I lived and there were fluctuations in money and in my state.
Or like going forward with pieces, kids growing up.

I felt like I kind of always try to be true to myself, and I’m open for these big circles.
Sometimes I think it’s going to be easier for me to be smaller.
But the truth is, I’m open to big circles because I want the fullest potential realization of my fullest potential.

Yet my inner structure is learning to take care of myself more right now.
Invite my wise inner parent to care more for me.

So now, even when I’m doing cycles in circles, I feel like I’m doing it more carefully with myself — in terms of money and how I feel, how I do.

Before, it was abrupt.
A lot of stress about losing clients and everything.

But it felt good because I went to my husband, we readjusted the system.
I said: I need to rest right now, and then I can go back.

Then in this new cycle, I went into a big winter.
It was my year of dancing.
I encountered dancing.
I danced a lot.
I was embodying this.

And then the peak and initiation of the third round started.

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The Third Round: A Deep Winter of Rediscovery

In the third round, I felt like I was continuing to work with people, reaching out for clients that I worked with.

The work was always deep, but I felt like I needed to expand in some inner game.

I felt like I wasn’t presenting myself fully enough.
I felt like there were parts of me that were not loud enough, like I was lacking something.

It didn’t feel satisfying.
Sometimes draining.

Though I always loved my work and I’m a big fan of inner transformation.

But it felt somehow… not landing.

Before I could do six sessions a day.
This time I wanted to do it with a totally different approach.

I wanted ease.
Less of the serious psychologist energy.
I wanted comfort.
I wanted mastery to flow and nourish me.
I wanted joy rather than seriousness.

And I didn’t feel it was quite there.

So I noticed my work stopped landing.

I even came to my coach, because I always had coaches.

I said: maybe I will follow another dream.
Maybe I’m skipping and going away from psychology and coaching.

My coaches were like: what?
You invested so much.

And I felt yes.
But I felt such a deep winter here.
And again, doubting whether I needed to do it or not.

That led me to the next circle — the third round.

The winter here was very deep and long.

I’m not saying I’m doing nothing.
I always have sessions, like four to five sessions a week.

But it feels like I’m merely responding when people find me.
When clients come back and say: I want to work on this topic.

So I’m merely responding and enjoying.

I had another big amount of hours and everything.
Still on and off with marketing.
Practicing to own my voice, but not really standing in it.

Starting my podcast and then switching off.

And I found myself in darkness again from time to time.

Why is it not stable?
Is it not what I want to do?

So I allowed myself to let go and feel it go.

In sessions, I felt this message:
Now it’s time for you to work on ancestry stuff and relationships with relatives.
Do the surgery.
Concentrate on that.

Then it will be time to work on dancing a lot and then drawing a lot.

I felt my second chakra coming to life again.
Then the third chakra was coming to life.

Kids were growing up, tending to them.

So I felt I was doing sessions and my love was still there.

But I was facing a deep crisis of how I want to do it.

I wasn’t doing it for a good prize that I could confidently say: yes, I’m good at it. > Oksana: I wasn’t doing it to cover expenses.

I asked more of my husband for support, and it felt like a good time for it.

I was facing a deep winter of whether I want to proceed or not.

And what was happening in the news, in my life, was like new gifts:

Allow myself to stand on relationships first — my second chakra.
Revive and vitalize.
And then my fifth chakra and third chakra to take care of my lower part and my voice.

So this time started the podcast.
Started doing social media a bit.
Showing who I am.
Creating my voice part.

There was a deep calling.

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The Key Lesson: Including All My Parts

The key lesson of this phase was — and still is — including all my parts in it.

Being happy.
Putting myself first and work second.
Not overgiving.
Be generous, but give while nourishing myself.

I needed to give myself so I have plenty to give.

That was important for me.

Lower part and upper part too.

Because it’s not only my voice work — integrating my voice itself.
It’s not only in the sessions.

It’s about losing this face in my profession — like I need to be strict, professional, serious.

Yes, I can be professional.

But these deep energy practices live in me.
This energy sensitivity.

Overcoming the threshold of where I belong:
To tarot or esoteric field, or to psychotherapy, psychology, or coaching.

Allowing myself to come up with my personal approach and be seen in it.

Doing sessions again and again.

That’s about two years of this process.

So I’m still doing sessions.

But the calling in it was:

I want this work to be sacred.
On the deepest level possible.
With the most potential that I can give.

I want to be honest in it.
I want to live in it.
I want to be my best version.

Not ideal.
Not perfect.
But more alive.

Allow myself to be more alive.

That became one of my north stars.

I started my relationships.
I started my relationship with family, myself.

But this mission was one of the biggest stars for me.

I felt like: yes, I want to be happy.
I don’t want to be exhausted.
I want to be happy in relationships and sex.
Fulfilled.
Proud of myself as a woman.
To express myself with my voice through dancing.
And I want art.

Then it got me to painting a lot.
Different approaches.
Oil painting, abstract painting.

It was full.

Gradually the third round started to emerge.

I’m still in this spring era.

There were months of it — spring and winter again, spring and winter again.

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What It Means: The Cycles, the Seasons, the Big Circle

For some people, this is quick — two sessions and it’s all.
For someone else, it’s years.

That means you may be experiencing something on a very deep level — like your soul, your personality, your relationship with your work and the body of work you want to bring into the world.

Big existential stuff.
Big maturing stuff.
Everything again and again.

What helped me in each winter required its own support.

If the first required intervention and being in a field of professionals — supported and experiencing it all alone.
If the second invited burnout, and working through: “I can do it. I can do it.”
Lots of support, friends, intervention.

Support was always important.

The third one is, for example: sessions accumulating.
Diaries.
Time for myself.
Looking for big actors, artists — like Beyoncé or Selena Aguilera — who are very productive but take space in between their work and their novels.

Like: here.
Also have life.
And then create again.

Maybe you’re that person too.
Maybe not.

But finding out what you need.

Because for me, self-ground was more trusting.
Self-trust.
Self-trust.
Self-trust.

Wisdom.
Violent wisdom.

And again, sessions that reflect back what is happening, what is important for me.

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The Meaning of Knowing Your Cycles

In the end, knowing about the cycles, understanding your needs, where you are at, where you’re heading — what’s important there.

Because sometimes even in sessions and practices, self-practices, there can be a message like: don’t push, don’t rush.

Then I hop out of the session, and the part of me that is alive goes: > Oksana: We need to do this now.
I really want to do it today.

And then I don’t.
But I do.
But it’s not fulfilling.

So knowing what type of person you are.
What’s important for you.

Do you want a big business and accountability?
That’s one thing — how you can place yourself on it.

If you want a more quiet business, how you can place yourself on it and support yourself financially enough.

So all of that is connected to Dharma work.
Finding your Dharma.

Understanding your needs.
Understanding your goals that grow not only from your mind, but from your bigger vision for yourself.

Because if my priorities weren’t love and freedom — if all my nature didn’t say yes to that — it would be scary as shit to go through all of this.

I wasn’t saying yes to that much change — inside changes, how I bring them.

I wouldn’t be patient enough to explore painting at a serious level or dancing.

I would be so loud about why I’m not making money right now.

Why I’m dancing and not making money.

Why I’m dealing with ancestry wounds and not making money.

So that was a very right choice for me.

But maybe for someone else it’s not.

Understanding your karma, how you can process it, how you can work on blockages with sessions.
Understanding the meaning of the next phase and trusting it.

It’s very important.

Find yourself guides, friends, support.
Inner support and outside support.

Outside support is very important.

And yes — go for it based on your values and life goals, because they are different for everybody.

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The Most Important Thing: Embodied Truth

If it’s my value and it’s present in my life — I’m having sessions for myself and that’s the way I’m living and embodying it — that’s what makes this so true.

If I didn’t have it, it would be easier for me to lose connection with it.

Embodied truth for me is important.
Being happy is important.
Freedom to experience is important.
Being brave to say yes to big change is important.

And I’m not ideal.
I’m falling short somewhere — in money, in providing, in my state.

But because I have those values, I know what I want to do.

Even if I lose sight of what’s important right now, I come back.

Centering.
Centering.
Doing sessions.
Centering.

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This Is My Story — And Maybe It’s Yours Too

So I said a lot.

This is the story of three cycles.
Three rounds.
Winter, spring, winter, summer, autumn.
And again.

And I’m in the third round, still embodying, still searching.
Sometimes I don’t see it, I don’t understand.

But then sessions accumulate.
Friends share wisdom.
And I keep going.